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Talk:The Man in the Ice/@comment-26054278-20150225021936
This pasta appears to build itself as a take on psychological horror and events that happen due to it. However, I was unable to completely immerse myself in the story due to the multitude of grammar errors, including missing question marks, uses of the wrong tense, and some sentences that do not even make sense due to their incomprehensible nature. However, upon fixing these mistakes, there is still some weak word choice sometimes that make sentences feel a bit awkward, especially in the earlier paragraphs that have lots of repetition of the same words ("pond" and "though" were very prominent in the beginning). As a story, this plot actually works pretty decently. I was intrigued as to what was going on, while I didn't exactly completely care for the main character and his family, they served their purpose in the story rather alright. I am curious to know which events were real, but I guess the point of the story is to make the reader speculate. Despite everything I have said, I really think the ending does not work. It gives rise to WAY too many plot holes and things that do not make sense. Here is a quick list of some of them: 1. Why would he only be wearing this collared shirt in the winter and not wearing warmer clothes or anything? 2. If the pasta is trying to suggest that the main character was the man in the ice, this really makes no sense. If you wanted to convey that the man in the ice was the main character and perhaps that the man was a hint of his eventual death, there would not be a boy just like him that the story makes pretty clear is supposed to be our main character. 3. Also, if the boy is supposed to be the main character, that would mean that our character just traveled back in time to get stuck under the ice. 4. The boy establishes that he always walks across the pond and the pond pretty much never is unsafe to walk on. Therefore, if a man just slipped into the ice, the ice at that time must have been unsafe and completely broken, which completely screws up why the boy was able to walk up to the man, continually pound on the ice, and no ice broke. Also, the boy says that he no longer goes on ice at the beginning of the story, which would contradict why he does it at the very end. 5. Maybe I am coming at this from a weird angle. Maybe the boy is just another random boy. Well, if that is so, then why isn't he looking up at the man? Is he looking at the man? If he is close enough to see, why is the boy just standing there? It simply does not really add up. In total, this was a likable story (if you ignore the errors that were in the original pasta) with some great moments and some genuine disturbing sections. However, there are some awkward moments, decent but not really great characters, and a rather confusing and poor ending. Good effort, but a quick proof-read with somebody else before submitting the story would have made it much stronger.